Here We Go Again

Am I a target for emotional men? Or do I drive the men to become emotional? I once again found myself in a heated and intoxicated conversation, out at a bar on a Friday night, with a guy who does not understand why I don’t make more time for him. Why I care so much about my career. Why I am not emotionally affected by how our “relationship” is going. He even went so far as to recount instances where I was careless with him and how I blew him off.

Sort of what we looked like but picture better hair (via)

Excuse me? 

I just want to go out and have a good time. Is this really necessary? 

The conversation left me reeling the next day. This was completely unexpected. From my understanding, everything had been going swimmingly. This particular guy knows what he’s doing with the ladies and he usually displays that calm confidence that feels unquestionable. He is devoted to his job and is surrounded by a strong group of friends. He made all the right moves and I was intrigued by him. We had a good rapport and hilarious conversations. I also had him as a sleep over buddy on lock whenever I felt so inclined. I addition to all this, we both got to do whatever we wanted. I heard through various channels that there might be another girl and I was occupying myself with other prospects. We didn’t talk about our feelings or troubles and, frankly, didn’t talk often at all.  It was light, fun, and carefree. And then BAM!!  This little display at the bar. Not only did he suck up a large chunk of my night, but I ceased to look available to the other men occupying the bar. I can’t be having that. What drove him to be so emotional when I thought we were so clearly not on the relationship track?

The problem is that men always assume a woman will be emotionally invested in them. That she’ll fall over herself to spend time with him and be with him. That he’s the only one she’s putting in work for. They can’t stand when they’re wrong and make desperate moves to change the game in their favor. Desperation makes me feel physically uncomfortable; I don’t even like seeing it when I’m not involved…

So, sir, while your dramatic conversation had me thinking the next day, it did not have me thinking about spending more time with you. I can no longer take you seriously. If a woman did this she would be considered clingy, crazy, and would be cut from the equation. Consider yourself lucky if I don’t do the same to you. You want more of my time? Earn it. Just because I think you’re attractive and I like that cocky attitude does not mean that I’m clearing my schedule for you. Come up with some better date ideas and stop being so lazy.Oh, and save your feelings for private time. Or better yet, don’t share them at all.

Ladies, take note; it is just as annoying when you act like this as it is when the men act like this.

Don't embarrass yourself, k?

Before You Say "Yes" to that Drink...

Okay ladies, we all know how easy it is for us to go out on any given night without spending a dime on drinks but let’s take a minute to think about this...

Envision the old familiar scene—it’s Friday night, you’re dressed in that new blouse and a gentleman has been eyeing you since you walked in. You catch his stare a few times, flip your hair, and look away. He takes the bait and like a shark to chum he moves in. You ignore him for a minute while he stands there smiling like a dufus (it’s ok he’s already hooked). Then he asks you your name, tells you his (as if you care) and offers to buy you a drink. 

“So, what are you drinking tonight?” 

Um, nothing yet…clearly (is he blind)?

“What can I get you?”   

Your first thought: GIVE ME SOME ALCOHOL BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT!

[Alas, ladies, we must restrain ourselves. In the nanosecond that it takes you to respond with “yes” or “no” realize that, like the age-old adage states, nothing in life is free. Including your drink! Weigh the risks with the single benefit of saving a few bucks: you get suckered into a conversation you could care less about, he may try to dance with you (this could be bad), and your friends cast glares your way because they want to leave and are now stuck themselves talking to his friends.]

Then comes the task of exiting the situation gracefully without seeming like a total b*tch and without giving him your number. Seems like a lot of work, right? We don’t slave away at the office all week to put in work at the bar. Buy a round for your girls and move on.  It takes a lot to decline a drink from a sexy man but, with practice, it’ll pay off in the long run. We all have our moments of weakness but the next time a man offers to buy you a drink, smile, respectfully decline, and get the hell out. A tip from the Clams: pound a few before you go out and sneak some in. No, cargo shorts are not needed in this case; rather ditch the wristlet for a medium-sized clutch.

 This advice is also good for the men out there. After consulting with my male friends, they admit that they have seen the error of their ways and no longer buy girls drinks. My suggestion: late night Pizza Bolis goes a lot further…